Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes – Now it has to be said, when i first sat down for Cheap Mondays to watch “Rise Of…” at my local Wood Green flicks, i was all in. What’s not to like about genius chimps smashing shit. The first time Caesar spoke, catching the baton he’s being beaten with & screaming “NOOOO”…my reaction was to shout YESSSSS & probably giggle. However at the end of the same day when #JamesFranco begging him to return home from the woods is met with “Caesar. is. home”. He was practically grandiloquent, he might as well have said “Nah man, there’s fuck off tree’s to climb & monkey puss on tap, i reckon i’ll leave it bruv”. At least i felt the turn around too quick & my bubble burst.
Maybe it’s the timeline, maybe it’s the way they held off on diving straight into Shakesperian dialogue, either way “Dawn Of..” just didn’t grate on me in the same way. Now it’s known that i’m a miserable shit & as such, only willing to suspend some disbelief, i refuse to completely let go of reality. Wolverine, who’s only powers are regeneration, metal bones/claws, being double hard & moody as a premenstrual teen, fighting on top of a moving bullet train can fuck right off. Glittery Vampires, Jason Statham’s acting, that sort of thing i don’t do. There are tenuous moments & a few whiffs of dairy but no solid cheddar. Plus, what’s not to like about talking monkeys, with guns, on horseback. I didn’t even bat an eyelid at loveable Orangutan Maurice, teaching chimp kids like a scene from Educating Yorkshire. At that point, i’m pulled right back in.
As with many modern CGI heavy Epics. The story isn’t its strong point but the visuals are incredible. So much so, that despite a lack of little hairy cast members chucking their own shit about, or wanking at the cam, at no point do you question that it’s exactly how it will look when genius monkeys eventually do crush the shit out of stupid humans.
To reiterate… Talking monkeys, with large guns, on horseback. Do it.